What's Important to You?

This one is going to be a short, recently one of my friends learned her beau of "some time" is going to Japan on business for a year or so, and upon return he’ll be even more stable financially, which will put him in a better position to provide the life she deserves. He loves her without any exceptions even to the point that he trusts her not to have any indiscretions while away. Now a year is not a long time, but it’s a long time when you’re away from a person you care about. She’s wondering why he trusts her, and simply put…he says she hasn’t given him any reason to think otherwise. Now this guy really wants and loves her and has expressed this to her in many ways, most recently by asking for her hand in marriage before he departs for his business trip.

My friend is at a stage in her life where she believes he may not be The One, but is a good substitute. He has her best interests at heart and will continue to love her, and take care of her every possible need. The problem is she’s not in love with him, she cares about him and doesn’t want to see him leave but as far as feelings of eternal love…it’s just not there. So she didn’t say yes…but hasn’t quite said no. She’s been laboring over this and talked to a girlfriend before sharing her dilemma with me, and her girlfriend told her nowadays people aren’t marrying for love, and hell, aren’t in love when united yet as the relationship progresses learn to love and eventually fall in love. The two entities join initially, with a common purpose in mind, most likely financial almost like an arranged marriage.

She asked me what I thought, and I asked her what’s important to her? In my business, I’m expected to make very important decisions and one thing my boss told me to think about is what is important to me, and what is the value in making the decision? So I presented these variables to her and asked her to think of the value or the benefit in getting married at her stage in the game. There are several variables to consider. So do you marry for love and risk financial stability, or do you marry for financial stability and try to include love later as life moves forward.

Is marriage as sacred as we would like it to be? Have we ruined this hallowed institution by the thought of making dinner plans and place settings picking out china patterns and making reservation for two at Sandals Jamaica? Are we more intrigued by the thought of being married then actually putting in the real work it takes to make it function? Do we go into the union with the feeling that we can easily take leave if it doesn’t work? I would like to marry for love and love only, not obligation, or the frivolous thought of making a would-be spouse happy. Settling should not be an option, if one isn’t in love in the beginning, chances are love won’t follow. So what do we do? What’s important to you?